What Are Our Protector Parts?
How Do These Help Us During Trauma and
How Do They Block Our Growth After Trauma?
Our Wounding and Our Healing is Like a Dandelion and We Work With it on All Three Levels
What Are Our Protector Parts' Methods and Tools to Help Us Cope and Survive During and After Trauma?
Fight Reactions
Anxiety, overwhelm, panic, frustration, anger, argumentative or oppositional, verbal or physical aggression, distrust of others or relying on others, aversion to vulnerability, high self-reliance, hyper-vigilance, intrusive memories, busy/racing thoughts, difficulty focusing, defensiveness, highly self-protective and guarded ('walls' or 'silent treatment'), highly critical of self or others, self-hate, low respect for 'most people', difficulty resting or relaxing, sleep issues, strong need for control or self or others, urgency to help/fix/rescue self or others (overt or covert), perfectionism, sanctimony or condescension, know-it-all, passive-aggression, strong need for information and to understand many topics, compulsive thinking-ahead and planning, strong analysis of self and others, 'intense passion', impulse control issues, need to quickly fix or solve issues, an 'energy' of urgency or intensity, obsessiveness or difficulty letting things go, or suicidal thoughts.
Flight Reactions
Chronic avoidance of things, distancing emotionally or physically, difficulty starting or finishing things, avoiding topics or actively shutting down, rationalizing things away, lying when afraid, dismissiveness, apathy, excessive daydreaming, overuse of technology, putting things off, frequent distraction, commitment issues, sleeping too much, lethargy or disinterest in taking action, risky behaviours, 'bingey' behaviours, over-use of substances, addiction issues, too much 'partying', overuse of sexual behaviour or pornography, eating problems, burying self in projects to avoid true feelings/issues.
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Freeze Reactions
Frequent emotional numbing, feeling 'disconnected' from life and others, feeling passive, submissive, helpless, stuck, immobilized, hopeless, depressed, 'empty', chronically limited energy, discomfort 'being seen' or noticed (for positive or negative things), strong desire to 'hide' or be 'invisibile', experiences of dissociation (depersonalization or derealization), and a frequent 'deer-in-the-headlights' feeling.
Submit (Fawn) Reactions
Submitting behaviours, approval-seeking, people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, over-concerned with the expectations/desires/needs of others, fixing or rescuing behaviours, wanting to be "liked by everyone", difficulty setting or keeping boundaries or saying 'no', fear of abandonment, feeling 'not good enough'; 'rest-guilt', 'swallowing anger', feeling like a 'doormat', feeling over-responsible for others, feeling valuable more so for what you do and how well you produce, and irrational guilt and shame. Often highly empathic or 'sensitive' and very good at 'reading the room' quickly to assess the mood, wishes, and needs of others.
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Please-See-Me Reactions
Often 'needy', frequently seeking connection, fearful of abandonment and rejection, can be child-like and innocent but becomes angry if connection is unavailable, needs attention, strong self-focus, can feel like a victim, can feel deeply misunderstood by 'all others', often feels helpless and alone, often wants rescue of some kind, feels easily overwhelmed and ill-equipped to self-sooth, can have difficulty seeing the needs or perspectives of others, wants someone to depend on, can have 'double standards' for self and others, craves love, often struggles to be alone, feels a limited sense of Self inside, often feels younger than they are, can have a lot of rescue fantasies or fantasies involving getting attention. Can also be very appealing and 'pleasing' to get needs met from another, but can become hyperbolic or histrionic.
Our Adult and Core-Self Functioning
(That Show Up More So After Healing Begins)
Core-Self Functioning
Emotionally regulated, with an internal and consistent sense of security. You'll have a consistent inner-sense of resilience and a stable sense of Self, you'll feel comfort sharing space, time, and connection with others, and you'll navigate social/relationship requirements more consistently and easily. You'll be able to understand and meet life-expectations without frequent anxiety or anger. You'll be curious and self-reliant when navigating changing situations, and you'll feel more flexible and adaptable. You'll set healthy boundaries without irrational guilt or fear, you'll experience empathy for yourself and others, you'll consistently use good judgment, enjoy spending time alone, and you feel 'at home' with yourself. You'll also be able to experience regret and remorse but not toxic shame, and you'll enjoy taking on new challenges with curiosity and confidence. Finally, you'll be able to ask for help when needed without shame, guilt, or anxiety.
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